I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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