Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
