cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
