U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
