If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
