OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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