Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
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I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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