I think my vagina is haunted
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
