I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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