I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
