Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
