I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
a search helicopter?!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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