Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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