So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
