I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
