I'm lost and stupid without you.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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