I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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