I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
