matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize