1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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