Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
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I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
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My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize