I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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