Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
