I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
