We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
