I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
