the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
