my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
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Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
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Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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