You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
