it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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