he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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