i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Come share oat with me in your robe
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
