Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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