If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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