Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
