A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
