did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
