I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
