Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
