i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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