I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
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I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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