i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
