..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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