i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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