last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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