I skipped work to stalk him.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
