Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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