wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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