seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
