you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
