I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize