It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
