Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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