And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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