I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
