Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
