have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
