she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
