My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
