but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
im holly from the hills drunk
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
