Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
