I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
