Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
