Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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