If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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