I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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