I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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