she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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